Popular Heroes Who Did Not Make It in DOTA

Been MIA for quite some time already, my blog must be growing mushrooms by now...

Here's a mini update.

Enjoy.

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A few of the missing underdogs who didn’t make it...

Hero 1: Michael Jackson

Hero Description:

MJ was taunted as one of the best agility hero yet to make an appearance in Dota Sentinel. His swift dance moves can easily dodge enemy's attack. On top of that his masking abilities allow him to be either black (at night) or white (in daytime).

Hero Skills:

1. Crotch attack - Disabling attack...but works only on male hero.

2. Break dance - +99% Evasion (most effective against dodging tinkers missile attack)

3. Black & White - Camouflage effects.

Ultimate: Moon Walk. A combination of Windwalk + Luna's eclipse makes u go Uh hoo!!

Why this hero didn't make it:

-MJ tends to lose concentration when opponent players are little boys.

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Hero 2: Osama Bin Laden

Hero Description:

Osama was supposed to be the next big hit with scourge players. His experience as a top terrorist paid off when he is drafted as one of the potential intel based nuke hero. (please note though Osama starting base intel is -1)

Hero Skills:

1. Car bomb - Powerful destruction skill with superior AOE. Cheap too.

2. Terrorist Kidnap - Locks enemy hero for a period of time depending on the amount of gold ransom paid.

3. Al-Jazeera - Using satellite network to broadcast enemy hero's movement.

Ultimate: 911 A powerful skill that summons two Boeing 747s to bring down enemy's towers.

Why this hero didn't make it:

-Osama is prone to go MIA (missing in action) whenever the action begins.

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Hero 3: Saddam Hussein

Hero Description:

A close ally of Osama and also a potential scourge hero but Saddam is all about strength. His brute force is terrifying and together with his fat stomach, he can be a good tanker.

Hero Skills:

1. Human Shield - Hiding behind a wall of human shield, Saddam gets bonus armor (+10 or depending on number of people blocking).

2. Chemical Ali - Release poisonous gas that reduces armor and mildly stinks.

3. Conceal - Ability to hide all weapons on his item list and sometimes hide himself.

Ultimate: WMD Weapon of mass destruction, though this is yet to be confirmed.

Why this hero didn't make it:

-Saddam is afraid of binding skills like Rhasta's shackles or anything that resembles a rope.

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Hero 4: George Bush

Hero Description:

Bush comes from a long tradition of pathetic heroes (I meant patriotic heroes) and considers himself a sentinel even U.N. protested against it. Bush is more of a support hero type just like in real life he supported war on terrorism, war on Iran, war on Afghan, war on Pakistan, etc. all kind of wars.

Hero Skills:

1. Ally Attacks - Summon allies to help whenever in danger (condition: the ally hero must be Tony Blair).

2. War-on-Terror - Anti timestop skill specifically aimed at Dark Terror (for being so gay in late game).

3. UN Inspection - Ability to find all hidden weapons belonging / not belonging to Saddam and sometimes find Saddam himself.

Ultimate: Presidential Re-Election Similar to Skeleton King's reincarnation, Bush can revive himself from the dead and terrorize enemies again. (Same skill used by George Bush Snr. but cooldown is every 5 years)

Why this hero didn't make it:

-A part of him made it actually. Think fire Bush.

Hero 5: Sammy Vel**

Hero Description:

Sammy is practically and undead. Having outlived all legal lifespan for human, Sammy still has the vitality of a Bollywood star, all thanks to his Magic, Incantation & Conjuring (read: MIC) Powers. Sammy is therefore classified an Intel hero.

Hero Skills:

1. Raise Toll - Summon expensive Trolls to help Sammy farm for more gold.

2. Leak - Similar to mana leak but this skill is aimed at leaking enemies gold. (and sometimes leaking roof).

3. Collapse - A powerful spell that causes Building or Bridges to collapse and cause damage to enemies.

Ultimate: Finger Point Unlike Lion's finger, Sammy's finger point allows him to transfer all the blame (I mean damage) caused by enemy onto him to another unsuspecting hero allowing Sammy to live and fight another day.

Why this hero didn’t make it:

Sammy is currently focused on practicing all kinds of voodoo magic to help him rejuvenate his HP. (HP - Hair Problem)

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Hero 6: David Beckham

Hero Description:

Beckham is chosen to be a Dota hero, not because of his good looks, tattoos or his gay voice. The truth is, Beckham was chosen just so we get to see more of Posh Spice's boobs. Beckham's global market reach is already tempting Blizzard to consider making David Beckham endorsed Plate Mail Street Wear, Potion Cola & Tango Snacks.

Hero Skills:

1. Free Kick - A swerving blast of energy with a range of 40 yards leaving the enemies defense all stunned.

2. Penalty Miss - A passive skill combining armor penalty + evasion is powerful enough to send enemy heroes running (and also send England out of Euro 04)

3. England Call Up - Beckham summons his England teammates like Lampah, Jialat & Looney to fight the enemy. Last for 90 seconds.

Ultimate: Victoria Secret Beckham can unleash the power of Victoria Adam's singing causing enemy's ears to bleed non stop. At level 16, the rest of the Spices Girls joins in. (Think Naga's Song of Siren + Seeker's Rupture).

Why this hero didn’t make it:

Beckham has switched from playing football with Real Madrid to playing Division 3 hockey with LA Galaxy. He is seriously considering a career change to acting in the next Hollywood blockbuster Bang it like Beckham.

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Hero 7: Tom Cruise

Hero Description:

Beckham's best mate in Hollywood, Tom Cruise is one of our favourite star known for his action stunts and also the sex scenes in Eyes Wide Shut (check it out). Tom's natural ability to swing from one Hollywood chick to another makes him a perfect Agility hero.

Hero Skills:

1. Mission Impossible I - Tom hides a bomb that can make to resemble any item (example a tango or a branch) amongst enemy hero's item. The fake item self destructs in 5 second unless being dropped by the enemy. So think twice when you see a divine lying on the ground.

2. Mission Impossible II- Tom has the ability to swing an invisible rope and slide into enemy's ground without being detected. (Though this may result to a ban if backdoor is not allowed) If trained to perfection, Tom can be hanging from enemy's fire bush (without getting fried) and steal items from the chicken.

3. Mission Impossible III - Tom repeats the same stuff in MI: 1 and MI: 2

Ultimate: The Last Samurai In the event all of his teamates are dead and he is facing an impending gang bang, Tom performs the Harakiri and calls for a 'fast game pls' or 'remake'.

Why this hero didn’t make it:

Being a scientologist, Tom refuse to believe in hero's skill like Zeus's Thundergod's Wrath or Sven's God Strength resulting to unnecessary feeding.

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I find it hillarious and hope that you will find it hillarious too, that of course, you must have basic knowledge of Dota.

-Credits to Westside-