Thursday, June 15, 2006

A misunderstanding that had been haunting me for the past two years cleared...

Its been awhile since I last blogged. Due to the pressure I faced in my Uni life, homework, assignments, tests, anything u name it. And my physics test is coming today as I blog right now.

There was this incident which happened in Form 3 between me and a girl. Lets call her J. It all began in my Form 1 year, she was in the same class with me. We will usually play around, chit-chat, joke around in a group consisting of usually 2-3 boys and 4 girls (us included)

Form 2, Year 2002

I get to know her better, we started sending birthday cards and birthday presents when it is our birthday. That time, I still had no feelings for her, only treating her as a good friend of mine.

There is this khidmat masyarakat (cleaning of school compound) which every students must present themselves to clean the school compound, attendance compulsory. Usually, 2-3 classes will be assigned to go at the same day to clean the school. It was that fateful day when my friends from other classes are present to clean the school compound too. After I finished my part cleaning the school compound and on my way back to the store to return the equipment with my friend SK, J passed by and I started talking to her like usual. Then SK and I engaged a conversation:

SK: “Hey, who is she? Is she your girlfriend?”
Me: “Huh? No, she’s not.”
SK: “Oh ok, let’s return the equipment now.”

It was then I started to have feelings for J. A part of me blamed my friend silently in my heart for making me have feelings for J, while the other part of me is mixed with feelings of confusion and indescribable joy. I’ll skip my Form 2 part as there’s nothing related to what I am writing now.

Form 3, Year 2003

She went to the best class and I went to the second best class. We still greet each other when we met. On Teachers’ Day, everything went well. We had cakes, drinks, food, fruits, and many more. After every teacher left (which is around 1pm) and some students stayed back to clean up the tables and clearing the rubbish. Took awhile to clean up everything then we all gathered together at teacher’s table and started to chit-chat. We talked about school life, our family, friends, until personal life. It was when girlfriends and boyfriends came into our conversation. And I was questioned by my friends:

Friends: “WL, do you have someone you like?”
Me: “Uh… yes, but she’s not in our class.”
Friends: “Which class?”
Me: “Merah class.” (the best class)

Then they started to guess the girl that I like but each time I answered “Nope” till they persuaded me to give them a clue.

WL: “She’s in the same class with me last year.”
Friends: “Ah J?” (she’s the only girl that went to the best class)
WL: “Yes.”

It was the greatest mistake I made in my life. I should not have revealed to them that I have feelings for J. Ever since that day, my friends started to tease her whenever she passed by. Being a shy type gal, she avoided them and from that day onwards, we never talked to each other anymore. Even when we met each other, we would pretend to look at somewhere else (as if there’s anything to look at!) or just pretend to talk to friends or listen intensively to our friend talking.

Form 4 to Form 5, Year 2004-2005

I bear the pain and suffering for my own mistake for 2 years. Our paths rarely crossed. I told myself to talk to her, who knows, after SPM, I might not be able to meet her anymore. And without realizing, SPM started. Again, I met her (we reached school at the same time in one of those exam days) I wanted to call her and talked to her, but I hesitated because of the lack of courage in me and in the end I let that chance escaped.

March, 2006

In the blink of an eye, our self-proclaimed holidays are over (from December to March, while some students already started studying in January) and we had to go to school again to collect our result slip. Again, I met her alone approaching her teacher to collect her slip. After she thanked and left her teacher, I wanted to approach her and talked to her as I was just next to her but I lacked the courage again to do so. Damn, what a coward I am…! It was like she was waiting for me to say something to her so she stood there looking around. Again I let that chance escaped as she walked away. I could only shake my head sadly and blame myself for being such a coward.

15th June 2006

A good friend of mine, CH told me and Kelvin (Kelvin was in the same class with her during Form 4 to Form 5) during recess time that J send her regards to us. It was then I remembered her and all the flashbacks of my secondary school life came to me in a flash. I kept quiet all the while because I was mixed with sad and happy emotions.

Sad: Because I had not talked to her while I had the chance.
Happy: Because I heard of her again.

After my final class for yesterday, we went out and waited for our parents to pick us up and return to our respective homes. CH told me that J have a handphone, I was glad and asked her for J’s number. I got her number and I store it in my contact list, planning to sms or call her later to talk to her.

15th June 2006. – 8.19pm

While going through my physics textbook and tutorial, I picked up my phone and began smsing her..

WL: “Hello J, long time no see, how are you?”

J: “Who r u?

WL: “WL, are you J? Did I get the wrong num?”

J: “Oh, u ha! Em, long no c ho. I heard CH say u r in Swinburne. I m fine. U? Ok or not 8 there?”

WL: “Not too gd, not too bad lor. A lot of homework n assignments, wad abt u? How’s Form 6?

J: “Em, juz starting. But hav 2 work hard la. D books r very thick, I duno can tackle them or not.

WL: “Sure can la, you so smart leh. Eh r u busy now? If u r then I chat with u next time lor.. Hope that u will forgive me for wad happened in Form 3 that time…

J: “Ha, I already 4got liao, we stil friend ma… I sms u next time lo. Good luck 2 u.

WL: “Thanks J :) All the best to you too! Cya around~

And so our conversation ended. This line is the only line that made my evening joyous:
- J: "Ha, I already 4got liao, we stil friend ma…"

I succeeded in talking to her, to most of you it might be nothing but it is something joyful to me.

Today, 16th June 2006 – 1:37am

……… Yawn… I’ll call it a day. I have a test coming in 18 hours time… sigh… Took 2 hours time to recall, blog and edit till everything is in the correct order..


Bhamophet said...

Kamu sik baca comment orang lain hor.cis.kawan apa.

anyway, congrats! feel good eh.

Anonymous said...

have leh.. i did baca comment orang lain >.<

sk-殿 said...

your memory very good eh... i cant even remember what i said... hehe... i think who this J is though... =)

PaNdA said...

u surprised me....

i don't get it... what about d other person --- the SG one...

btw... smsing is not talking!!! it's communicating lahh!!! hahahaa!! ganbate! i support u to talk to her face to face!!!!!!!!!

Wei Liang said...

Hi SK! Long time no see, how are u?

Erm Kimmie, that incident happened at Form 2 lor.. quite long ago. The thought of it makes me write this long post after i smsed J.

I did talk to her thru the phone liao, quite blurry but she still sound sweet like the time in Form 2. Haha.