Which type of Dota player are you?

This evening (yesterday evening to be precise since its 3am now), I was 'awarded' two titles unwillingly.

It started when I pointed out that my cousin is evil and in return, she awarded me with two titles and they are ‘Blur King’ and ‘DC (disconnect) King’ respectively.

=/

*******

I find this piece of article interesting so I thought to share it with everyone reading this blog.

This is taken from Uncyclopedia - Dota Psychology:

There are a lot of different players, playing dota. A guy, specialized in different personalities has categorized the people who play dota, into several types. Here is a list of the most common types:

The Chinese Gold Farmer

First of all, this guy probably got into DOTA from playing World of Warcraft and failing grades at school in order to play World of Warcraft. You will notice that whatever is happening whether your entire team is getting wiped out or your base is under attack, this guy will always do one thing.

Yep, that's farm up super-dooper-drop-your-pants-zomg-bbq items! Someone should tell him the game only lasts around 1 hour and after that everything he earns will be gone. Oh well I guess there's some sort of pleasure in amassing virtual goodies that don't exist in the real world.

(PS. if you think I'm racist I'm Chinese myself.)

Strategy: Gank him. That's it. He'll be too busy pushing forward in the lane and won't be thinking about battles or ganks.

Preferred Heroes: Alchemist, Doom

The Wannabe Hero

Whether it be taking all the leavers items, farming up until late game and getting Beyond Godlike all of a sudden, or posting hundreds of replays on Dota-Allstars.com as hans2; this guy will go out of his way to get the phatest of lewt, highest amount of XP etc. He will probably not help you in a gank unless he's 100% sure he'll get a kill and make himself look good. Wait till late game and let him carry the team.

These guys could be a blessing come the 50th minute mark. Or if not then they're as useful to the team as 3 Lothar's Edge's on a Stealth Assassin.

Hey, what can I say? You play to win; you play to look good in front of everyone.

Strategy: Deny and harass until he gets pissed off and rage quits. If he stays then applaud the other players on his team and he'll also get pissed off.

Preferred Heroes: Clinkz, Clinkz, Clinkz, Naix

The Rambo

Ever seen guys who will rush into a fray of 5 enemy heroes and die and then start spamming words to the effect of "ZOMG NOOBS YOU DIDN'T HELP ME!!!! (Rambo has left the game). These guys have a seriously difficult time figuring out when a gank is coming, what minimap pings mean, why 5v1 is not odds to be proud of etc. My advice to these guys: "Stay the hell away from casinos." Often they're colorblind (I kid you not I got a friend on Bnet who is colorblind and gets confused when he sees the minimap) or they're still between being a noob and being an average player.

Strategy: Let him feed!

Preferred Heroes: Centaur, Bristleback

The Newbie

A newb and a noob are too different things. A newb is a new player who will contribute to the team and follow orders and generally ask question which will make him a better player. A noob is someone who has played for over a year and still gets owned by everyone and spams in chat and rage quits after dying. Newbies should be treated with care and caressed... Maybe not caressed but you should all help these people out and give them pointers.

Strategy: Tell him that to win the game all you have to do is reach the enemy fountain. (I ain't joking; it's actually worked for me once. Yes, I am slightly sadistic.)

Preferred Heroes: Stealth Assassin, Sniper

The Silent Veteran

These are the ones to watch out for. During pre-game chat they'll say very little. After getting a triple kill they'll say nothing. Even after getting Beyond Godlike they still won't gloat or show off the fact. Why don't they speak much? Because they're so good that they're used to owning and also they're too jaded to speak to random people off the internet.

Strategy: Either run or gank.

Preferred Heroes: Any

The Leader

Usually a player will start pinging ganks and typing "b" or "push" into team chat. These people are the leaders and generally have a good strategic look on things. Leaders are vital to victory during a game.

Either that or they're power tripping. You be the judge.

Strategy: If you find out who's calling the shots on the enemy team, gank him while a lone hero on your team does a blind push and then retreats. He'll be too busy typing and signaling for everyone to gank that he'll be vulnerable for about 5 seconds. And if you actually believe this piece of advice then I recommend also getting Agannim's Scepter on Naix.

Preferred Heroes: Techies

The Quitter

These people are defeatist in nature. Your team may lose all its outer towers and one inner tower and these guys will be the first to say: "GG." They'll also be the first to quit after an entire lane full of rax has been owned. These people have lost the fight before it's even started so the best thing to do is to run back to fountain once they've just been owned and rage quitted. That way you can call first dibs on their nice items.

Strategy: Gank him a few times and it'll be 4v5.

Preferred Heroes: Any

The Never-Say-Die

Gotta love these guys. The exact opposite of the Quitter, these people will stay till the very bitter end and will often be seen defending the lone Throne all by himself against 5 enemy heroes. Give these people a compliment since they're a dying species. Heck give em a war medal since they probably fought in the trenches of World War 2 in a previous life.

Strategy: Poor lad. Go easy on him unless he's owning your entire team using the leavers’ items.
Preferred Heroes: Any

The 12-Year Old

"ROFL PWNED LMAO!" Yep, these kids have just hit puberty and have raging hormones. They should probably be venting this rage on Counter-Strike but here they are on Dota. During pre-game chat they'll be saying all the stupid goofy stuff. The good thing about kids is they're easy to own due to their slower brains and bad judgment.

Strategy: Do what I do in real life. Ignore little kids. There are more productive ways to spend your time.

Preferred Heroes: Any

The Elitist

In every community, and the Dota community too, there will be elitists. These people look down on anyone slightly worse then them at Dota. They'll gaze at newbies with undisguised contempt and horde their knowledge from others like it's all they have. Elitists are everywhere and there's little you can do about them except get into name-calling competitions.

Strategy: Since elitists are a curse upon their own team, perhaps you should be encouraging him to further discourage his own team mates.

Preferred Heroes: Any

The Coward

See trouble. Run to fountain.

These guys are as useful to your team as a chair is to a whale.

Need I say more?

Strategy: Gank them from behind. This confuses them as the fountain is also in the direction of danger for them.

Preferred Heroes: Stealth Assassin, Sniper, Clinkz

The Casual Player

In the pre-game chat these people will be like: "Hi, how are you guys?" and usually be ignored. In real life they are a father of three and have just gotten home from his day job to play Dota. What do you do about these guys? Well give them pointers so they don't get killed too often.

Strategy: If you are pro then simply kill them be also tell them why they died and what they did wrong so they can improve and get deeper into the game.

Preferred Heroes: Sniper

The Mathematician

Asian Dota players are renowned for their maths skills and will often rush their first item known as the Abacus of Doom which gives +100 to intelligence. But since this doesn't exist in game they'll use their maths skills to own everyone. Before battles they'll calculate how much mana they need to do how much dmg over how much time. They'll consult their Orb stacking charts and crit probability statistics etc. and have a tiny shriek of joy for beating their personal best -CS.

My advice is stick near these guys as they seldom screw up. Unless they get ganked that is... or unless their mother starts yelling at them in real life to go study. In that case they feed.
Strategy: Things like crits and evasion are a bane to the Mathematician since that makes the equations less certain. But nothing is more dangerous to them then their high expectations parents. Now you study hard and become a lawyer ya' hear!

Preferred Heroes: Lion, Lina, Crystal Maiden, Zeus

The Partially AFK

While you're working your butt off trying to secure victory for your team, these guys are munching on chips and cutting their nails and glancing at the screen every so often. These people don't really care and just play Dota because they have nothing else to do. You'll notice them sitting in the fountain for around 10 minutes while they go take a dump. Luckily these people are a dying breed since Banlists and ivory poaching is making them extinct.

Strategy: Pfffft.

Preferred Heroes: Any

The Know-nothing Know-it-all

"STFU NOOB. I know what I'm doing. Dagon on Juggernaut is the way to go."

Ok so they managed to own a noob using their lame build and from then on they stuck to it. No matter what you do, they'll still stick to their original decision and get their Agannim's Scepter for Phantom Assassin or Eul's for Naix.

Strategy: Tell them that getting the Dagon for Juggernaut was a nice idea and also tell them they should get a Mystic Staff so they can spam Dagon.

Preferred Heroes: Any

The Donald Trump

"Lol I killed you dude." "BANNED!"

These guys have one rule that they follow: "Anyone piss you off, then omgz0r BANNED!!!!!!" Why? Because Donald Trump plays Dota and there's no such thing as a FiredList(Rosie_ODonnell has been banned for verbal abuse).

Strategy: Creating Bnet accounts > Banlist.

Preferred Heroes: Any

The Unaware

So you just got ganked by 2 enemy heroes while your ally is beside you creeping. They still don't know what happened. These players will frustrate you to no end. Their slow reflexes mixed with their lack of sight makes them a major liability.

Strategy: Blinks and stuns. They won't know what's going on.

Preferred Heroes: Any

The Backdoor Bandit

Unlike normal Dota players, these guys are sneaky as hell. They'll wait for everyone on the enemy team to pick heroes before they pick so that they can choose a hero that counters all of them. While you guys are ganking, he'll sneak up on your towers and rax and own them with no resistance. You'll barely see him all game but by the time you do he's amassed a vast fortune, hasn't died at all and has owned the majority of your rax.

The fact is that these people are cowards. Cowards that are highly intelligent! (OMG NO!). And that mix by itself is dangerous.

One day you'll be off going to work with a family and kids by your side. The next day you'll come home and find the Backdoor Bandit has married your wife, your kids are calling him dad and somehow he's managed to get the lease on your house leaving you in the gutter with nothing. Sneaky bastards...

Strategy: Boots of Travel ASAP!

Preferred Heroes: Gondar, Clinkz, Stealth Assassin, Furion, Tinker

The Team Member

We love these guys. They will be the first to get wards, help in ganks, get gems, and follow instructions and the like. They'll get an average score but will fetch and sit and keep your feet warm on lonely nights.

Strategy: They need to be killed off quickly and repeatedly so that your Stealth Assassin and your Clinkz can both run around and cause havoc.

Preferred Heroes: Treant, Tide, Keeper

The Pitbull

As soon as they hit lvl 6, bam, it's hero killing time for them. Farming is for wusses. They'll either get first blood or be first blood and will typically go with heroes like Pudge and Balanar. Their ultra aggression mixed with their confidence makes them dangerous. If you ever end up in prison and sharing a cell with these guys then be prepared to have a new boyfriend.

Strategy: Run to fountain with 10 HP left. Pitbull chases and kills you. Towers own Pitbull. You'll give him a hearty LOL. Afterwards he'll say it was definitely worth it.

Preferred Heroes: Balanar, Pudge, Juggernaut

The Hax0r

Hax0rs play for one reason only. To win no matter the cost whether it be their Bnet account... or their Soul! They are ungankable, know when to attack rax, will farm none stop until they are forced to retreat and will hunt you down while you are neutral creeping. But remember that deep down inside they just crave a bit of happiness which is missing in their life. Awwwwwww group hug.

Strategy: Don't pick invisible heroes as they're useless against the Hax0r. It's a never-ending war between the Trumps and the Hax0r so leave them be.

Preferred Heroes: Stealth Assassin, Nevermore, Zeus, Nerubian, Furion

The Guide-Freak

After reading one strategy guide, they'll follow it to the letter. On the plus side this means that they'll be highly methodical and will usually make all the right decisions regarding purchasing items. On the downside they have zero flexibility and creativity. Might as well slap in a couple of AI opponents instead.

Beware if you choose one of their heroes and don't go by their strategy guide though. They'll start acting self-righteous.

Strategy: Take an educated guess what build they're going to create (won't be hard.) Then counter it!

Preferred Heroes: Any

The Micromanager

With barely 100 HP left, they'll manage their hero so well they'll escape a gank, end up with a kill, return to fountain and still have enough time to do the laundry. These people will almost always get a chicken at the start which will become their secretary and manage their appointments for them while they calculate how much mana the enemy needs to kill them while they're leeching XP with only 20 HP left beside the tower.

But the scariest ability of these people above all is that they can rub their stomach while rubbing their head and counting backwards in odd numbers from 100.

Strategy: Any invisible heroes should foil their dastardly plans.

Preferred Heroes: Meepo, Chen, Chrow, Furion, Keeper of the Light

The Role Player

In all your time playing Dota you might only see one of these guys. They are as rare as a dark albino. Also they’re as scary as one... Here's your basic conversation with a Role Player:

RolePlayer: Hush... I fear the enemies draw near these woods. A fell voice is heard in the air.

Player: OMG don't just stand there help me!

Enemy has owned Player's head for 275 gold!

Enemy has owned RolePlayer's head for 280 gold! Enemy has just got a Double Kill!

RolePlayer: It is a dark day indeed. We have been vanquished but our souls will take their vengeance!

Player has left the game.

Oh and I often enjoy taking on this persona when I'm drunk. When I'm sober I'll watch the replay for some laughs.

Strategy: Since they're too busy typing to do much of anything, just kill them.

Preferred Heroes: Drow, Priestess of the Moon, Luna and any other Elfish based heroes.

The Afraid-to-Die

Sort of like the coward however with less running. Once again these people do little good for the team. However they do make good tanks late game as their usual item build is along the lines of: Vanguard, Aegis, Meka, Heart, Boots, and Perseverance.

Can they get any kills? No. Can they survive getting ganked? No. Do they ever need to go back to fountain to heal? No.

Strategy: Most people don't realize that regeneration doesn't help much during battles since a battle is over in about 4 seconds. In that 4 seconds you might have gained about 40 HP from spending thousands of gold on regen items. Big whoop...

Preferred Heroes: Centaur, Tiny, Tide, Abaddon, Omniknight

The Over-Achiever

Usually these guys will fight an enemy until the enemy is down to 20 HP; at that point the enemy will start running back to fountain. Overachievers will pursue them and put everything on the line in order to catch their target. These are the guys who will run into the enemy fountain for that last hit and subsequently get totally ripped up. Their scores will usually be along the lines of 12-12 since for every kill they make they will also get killed.

Strategy: Bait bait bait!

Preferred Heroes: Spectre, Phantom Assassin, Rikimaru, Antimage

The Boba Fett

Just like Boba Fett, these players use lots of gadgets that make us go: "WTF?!" when they're used in battle. You'll be hitting these guys and they'll almost be dead and all of a sudden they'll go Mekasm, Manta Style, Hex, and Dagon and own you up. Then when your allies arrive to try to finish him he'll go Blink Dagger, Lothar's Edge and then Boots of Travel back to fountain or something to that effect. If you've ever seen someone all of a sudden activate a Necronomicon in a pub game you know what I'm talking about.

Next thing you know they'll be flying around with a jetpack firing lasers at everyone.

Strategy: Be ready for the unexpected.

Preferred Heroes: Tinker, Techies, Inspector Gadget

The Assassin

If you are against these types of guys, RUN. These guys are gank leaders and some also fall into the Pitbull category. They have a strategic outlook on everything and use all their cunning and wisdom to demolish the enemy team because they know what works and what doesn't. They have a tendency to be the guy that says the battle plan and the first to ping at the enemy. Silently they move in the shadows helping there team approach and assassinate you. After they are done, they tend to say little and frantically try to stop a push, organize another gank without acknowledging there heroic feat, if it is destroying the matrix or defeating the whole team by themselves.

Strategy: Get a backup plan to escape eg: Blink Dagger or Lothars Edge.

Preferred Heroes: Morphling, Vengeful Spirit, Furion, Spirit Breaker, Queen of Pain, Phantom Assassin, Gondar

The Mystic

These are the guys that will look for an illusion rune, pick it and fool you into thinking that the illusion is them and unload all your beautiful spells on the illusion. After that, they’ll most likely come with a companion but sometimes prefer to come alone.

And the next moment you know, your HP is down to half, you have no mana, no spells to use and you’re slowed to half! But wait that’s not all of it. They also have a high sense of organization, so your teammates will come to help only to realize that it was in fact an ILLUSION of the companion, that the mystic moved out of line of sight under your panic and replaced himself with an illusion... which in turn causes your friends to unleash hell on the illusions.

Next, the mystic and his companion (the companion is most likely an objective guy that follows orders, a team member and likely irl friend of the mystic, since mystics need a high level of competence and trust from their companions) ambush you, kill one guy with attacks and unleash their spells on the next. They run back, into thinking you can kill them, and then you’re hit by an epicenter. Needless to say, these foes are hard to defeat, as they are usually very creative with everything from game play to items. No matter what you do, sometimes it seems you can never overcome them... mercifully, they are extremely rare.

Strategy: Use observer wards to detect his plans. Disable him as this will piss him off, since it hinders him from performing the plan. There's not much more to do other than be very, very careful, and perhaps pray you’ve got a Mystic of your own of higher quality than theirs.

Preferred Heroes: Morphling, PA and all those sneaky heroes and illusion bastards.

The Loyal Tiger

These guys are so nice to have as a mate that they could sell themselves on a market, kill their owner, come off with a good reputation and steal their own mother's secret pizza stack right before their eyes and be ignored. Fear em, I tell ya.

Ever seen someone stuck to someone else so much as to make it seem like the two are chained together invisibly? Then one of them is likely a loyal tiger.

They generally perform commands unquestionably and ask for guidance. All of them perform commands with a startling efficiency and letter-following.

If you are turned into Ye Ol' Flander's BBQ Sauce by a pair of players all the time, you know for certainty that one of them is a tiger. Generally, they are quite cruel to their enemies, playing with them like hapless fatasses (no offense to you, fatasses) before ending their life very quickly.
Don’t piss these guys off, because their motivation, will and energy have no limit. If they get owned, they’ll own you next time, and if they don’t, they will for sure own you next time. And if they after all don’t, they’ll go out of their way to antagonize you and come out alive.

Strategy: Kill the tiger's handler; this will make the tiger's actions count for little. The handler will often play a more laid-back hero such as Furion, so it’s quite easy to detect. Make them think you are no match for him until it’s too late for him and you’ve won by pushing. If you are ever targeted by one of these, try to come of alive. Don’t try to kill the tiger because you can’t do it...

Preferred Heroes: Ursa, Strygeryger (aka. Strygwyr, but my mate calls him that), Razor, Balanar and many of those powerhouse-type heroes.

The Retard

OMGGG Y U KILL ME LOL OMFG IMBAAAAA I REPORT TO BLZARD WTFLOL ... I beat you fair and square, but 4 MKB recipes don’t do shit LOL NOOB!!! MKB BEST ITEM IN DOTA NOOB!! STFUNOOB L2P!!!!! BAN FOR BE NOOB whatever.

After that, they’ll continue getting raped with you likely not even using everything you’ve got and not going below 2/3 your HP. These people usually aren’t very skilled at understanding things, have no skills, judgment, anticipation and no you-name-it at all.

.... But well, if there's one thing they have its a reserved front-page spot in the newspaper for showing this is exactly what the human race cannot go back into being by the local science magazine.

Strategy: Just continue to feed of them; they’ll eventually get so pissed off that they’ll spew out racism and leave.

Telling him that dropping a Divine Rapier in front of one of your towers is an alternative, much easier way to win might actually work too, as these guys don’t really care about having fun as long as they win and get to trash talk about it.

Preferred Heroes: Clinkz Clinkz Clinkz Clinkz Clinkz Clinkz Clinkz Clinkz Clinkz Clinkz

The Consumer

Whether it be mass tangos, clarities, town portals, chickens or other crap that doesn't last very long, these guys will hoard these items like they're expecting a nuclear holocaust. Consumers seem to have little regard for long term reward and high regard for short term ownage.

Just when you think you're about to kill one of them suddenly they activate their empty bottle twice in a row, turn around, chew on a tango and then proceed to beat your ass into the ground. And then their chicken will come along and Dagon you.

Strategy: Make sure you can hit them when they're activating their potions to cancel. Or just wait until late game and laugh and their consumable items.

Preferred Heroes: all

The Jackass

Obviously these guys don't play Dota to win. No no, they play Dota to be totally ridiculous. You'll often find these people eating their way into the enemy fountain using tangos, dropping a chicken there and then teleporting their entire team in and ganking the leavers.

Ever chased someone who keeps running back and forth towards you and back in such an unpredictable but dangerous manner that you can't hit them? Well it's called juking and these guys would risk juking themselves to death just for a laugh.

They'll go out of their way to refill that empty bottle at the enemy fountain or using Swap to get you onto a ledge you can't escape.

Strategy: None really, since they'll usually get themselves killed in the process of having a laugh.
Preferred Heroes: Vengeful Spirit, Queen of Pain, Anti Mage.

The Support Player

The support player... He'll be Omniknight, Chen or Abaddon, and use his heals on his lane-mates. He'll start the game with a chicken, make it into a Crow and then proceed to share control with his allies so they can use the Crow as well. He never solos, and always tries to get in a lane with an ally so he can buy 2 Flasks, or a few sets of Tangos, and always lend his RoR to the ally in his lane, to keep his teammate's HP full. He's such a good support hero that he knows how to 'rally point' his Crow, and send it to the team's soloing hero with a flask of sapphire water, then returning the crow back to base ready to buy a new flask for any ally who needs the next heal.

Ever been in a situation where you're killing someone in a 1v1 situation and they're almost dead and boom! Omniknight rushes in and heals him and they proceed to totally kick your ass into the ground. Well that’s what these guys do.

Strategy: gank em, that'll teach em to help their team!

Preferred Heroes: Omniknight, Chen, Abaddon, Pudge, Treant