Thursday, April 12, 2007

The Pretenders

The novel we studied in form 3 is about Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, no; they are not two people but one people only.

In the story, the readers were told that Dr. Jekyll successfully created a potion that could change the embodiment of a man to his evil side while making his good side pure by polarizing the two aspects - good and evil within him. The price he paid was death and nothing more. There is no way in this world that such works are allowed.

My dad used to tell me that no matter how evil a person might be, there is always a tiny spark of goodness within him/her and vice-versa. So to say that if men and women are holy, then why had Adam and Eve disobeyed the Lord even though the command is very simple and straightforward?

People like you and me all have split personalities but we only show our good side to the society while keeping the bad side away in the dark. The good side of a person is but just a mere shell of his/her real personality. It is the evil side of a person that defines his or her personalities and values. First impression is the keyword for everything you do in life, be it in your career or with your peers.

Indeed everyone is bound to show the best first impression he/she could muster to the others. A few examples would be if you are a new worker in a certain company, you are with a group of people and the list goes on. It is just a basic intuition for us to do so.

Years ago, I saw a guy who is showing off his skills to attract a girl’s attention by jumping across the drain to and fro. In the end, not only did the girl ignore him, he also earned his public humiliation when he slipped and injured his leg before falling into the drain. I admit that I had a similar experience when I was in form 2. The only difference is that I did not slip and fall like he did.

Thinking back, it sounds so silly to me, placing my life on the line to get a person’s attention. My classroom was on the third floor, the highest floor. I stood at the edge of the corridor, meaning to say that there is nothing to protect me should I slip and fall off and resulting in a terrible death if I was careless. Well, she did notice that and asked me to come down nicely.

Like I mentioned earlier, a person’s true personality and values can only be judged by his or her evil side. I’m quite sure that many would disagree with me. The majority will never show their evil side unless they are provoked, revealing their counterpart to protect themselves.

For me, I never show my true colors in front of anyone. Maybe I did it before but I usually stay quiet most of the time. As one teacher of mine told us before that we humans are given 2 ears and 1 mouth so we are to listen more than we talk. I admit that I did pretend to listen attentively to people when they are talking to me while I have no interest or whatsoever in that topic.

There are certain people out there classified under pretenders that would pretend to be nice to you, causing you to lose your guard. Before you knew what happened, they stabbed you from the back. A conversation with a friend of mine not too long ago dawned on me to realize that there are many things that I had not known and will never know of until I was told. Maybe I am slow in understanding.

High-priority military intelligence code states that: the less you knew, the better it is, especially when you are caught and interrogated. In this case, backstabbing need not be saying bad things behind one’s back; it can be in other forms like being rejected or left ignored, it can be in forms which is best not to mention it out.

By doing so, they can eliminate those they do not want to tag along in whatever they do even though it is so obvious at times that the ones eliminated knew about it and they were still pretending like nothing had happened. Maybe those who were eliminated were considered as nuisance or what we call ‘extras’. Well, it is a one-stone-two-bird technique anyway – you kick those people out of the list, and the ones being removed pretended like nothing had happened so that you could go on with proper planning and less worries.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Tagged again

Tagged by Aurelia…

Let’s see…

Glad to see 2006 go?
Yeap. One year older; is that supposed to be good or bad?

Did you change your hair in 2006?
Yes, from short to slightly longer.

The best part of 2006?
Leaving high school and glad that I will not have to see the face of the person I dislike. Keyword: ‘special’ attitude.

The worst part in 2006?
Played too much and failed two subjects.

Any new crushes in 2006?
Not really, some people look attractive when you first look at them. Sooner or later, they became just like another normal person with no special attractions. (this is very common these days for the majority, no?)

Who will you never forget?
The 3 Mok brothers, Roger, Benjamin and Justin. Not forgetting Daniel, one who could draw just anything that comes into his mind. He is also the one who introduced DotA to me. And the list goes on…

Who do you wish you didn’t meet?
Someone in my ex-class.

Did you have a boyfriend in 2006?
Many. Anyone who is a boy and is a friend is a boyfriend. LOL.

Did you fall in love in 2006?
Nope.

Did you catch someone in lie in 2006?
Yes, maybe no.

Funniest moment of 2006?
The choir club. The guys were standing on chairs, and the ladies standing on ground (obviously). Moments later, SP and TI came and joined us. Both of them stood beside me (the tenors). We were to sing a note (forgot which note), all of the tenors sang it out one by one and TI (supposed to be bass) sang a low note and everyone burst out laughing. (Relax oo President, don’t kill me ^ ^)

Most embarrassing moment of 2006?
Tripped and fell down in Swinburne during one rainy day (luckily no one saw it). Alright, maybe someone did saw it.

Did you take any vacations in 2006? Where?
To Damai Lagoon if I am not mistaken… Bryan’s Altec Lansing was confiscated by the security guards as they pointed out that it will disturb others.

Any new hobbies of 2006?
Blogging.

Did you get a new job in 2006?
Working part time in my uncle’s pharmacy.

Did you lose a job in 2006?
Nope, in fact I get to choose the days I wanted to work in the pharmacy.

Did you host a party in 2006?
Not really, all I did was to help out only.

Where did most of your money go?
My money… Swinburne had been generous enough to collect money from me.

What song will always remind you of 2006?
We are not alone – Ootou Fumi.

Biggest achievement in 2006?
No more stage frights!

Biggest failure of 2006?
Losing control over myself when provoked. Now all I do is keep quiet even when I’m provoked, all I do is hope that the person doing so will know that there is a limit for everything. Should that person continue to do so, I won’t hesitate to teach him/her something that they will carry with them for life.

In 2006, did you lie to miss a day of work/school?
Like Aurelia said, lying is a sin. I regretted my actions. I lied so I do not have to work for a day in my uncle’s pharmacy. Thinking back, I should have just work and get the 50 bucks waiting for me… =/

Did you move in 2006?
Nope.

What was your greatest musical discovery?
I thought I will never have the courage to sing, I was proven wrong when I joined the choir club. Cheers for Johnson! If you can talk, you can sing! (is that a musical discovery?)

What was the best book you read?
Do I have to specify the year? If no, then it would be The Chronicles of Narnia. That was the time I started developing an interest to read books.

What was your favourite movie of the year?
A walk to remember. It was released years ago and I only get to watched it recently. A million thanks to the kind-hearted people out there seeding the movie.

What did you want in 2006 and got?
A new hard disk!

What did you want in 2006 but did not get it?
A new comp… =/

Did you make out in public in 2006?
Nope.

What’s the ringer on your cellphone?
No idea, as long as it notifies me that someone is calling or I have mail. That’s enough J

Who did you miss?
Someone.

Who was the best new person you met?
Ms. Melinda. Her classes are always filled with laughter.

What one more thing would have made your year immeasurably more exciting?
Watching the members of clan dN5 scolding and making fun of each other.

e.g: in a game of 5v5 DotA; player A died and player B laughed at player A, saying that even a newbie can play better than him. Player A talked to all the players (to the scourge players particularly): “B says he is pro and you all are noobs”.

Moments later, 5 heroes came and crush player B’s hero with the price of the death of all scourge heroes. The path to victory was opened to us sentinels as no one was defending the base.

Your favourite commercial in 2006?
None, when a commercial aired, I’ll look for something else to do while waiting for the TV program I wanted to watch.

Something you couldn’t leave home without in 2006?
Not hand phone or wallet but my clothes. I wouldn’t want to leave home without any unless I lost my mind of course.

How did you spend New Year’s 2006?
The most popular phrase used by students when questioned by their teachers: I forgot.

Valentine’s Day 2006?
Nothing happened.

Easter 2006?
Nothing much happened. Easter eggs were distributed by the ushers in the church foyer.

Halloween 2006?
I never celebrated one before.

Thanksgiving 2006?
Same as above.

Christmas 2006?
Celebrating with the choir club members.

Your birthday?
Thanks a lot to Yiew Foo, Francis, Lip Wei, Jeff and Jin Thad for celebrating my birthday along with Kelvin since I am only 6 days older than him :P. Did I miss out anyone’s name? I am quite positive I did…

Tag (8 bloggers):

1. Bro
2. Soon Kiong
3. Chen
4. Qing (if you are reading this)
5. Esther
6. Aldrin
7. Eric
8. Johnson

Friday, April 06, 2007

Corrections in life

“You slept early again, didn’t you?”

“Not really…”

“Then why are you taking afternoon naps?”

“I’m tired, so I just lie down on the bed only.”

The above conversation with my dad doesn’t really make any sense right?

He had been advising me to sleep late and not to retire to bed early these days.

At first, I couldn’t understand what he meant until my mum told me to go to bed early during dinner. He corrected my mum by saying that I should sleep late, because sleeping early means going to bed after 12am.

*******

In my family, we usually converse in Hokkien. Then there was a time when my dad asked if I want fried egg as an add-on for my dinner.

I said “mai, bei hiau kin.”

When we were having our dinner, he corrected me by saying that “mai, bei hiau kin” is wrong and it should be “mai, kam sia.”
I was baffled, like how this guy's expression is.

I couldn’t get what he was trying to tell me until he told me to translate it to English. When I tried to translate it to English, it turned out that he is right.

“mai, bei hiau kin.” = “no, never mind.” While,

“mai, kam sia.” = “no, thank you.”

Then he asked me if I ever said ‘no, never mind’ When someone offered me anything. Of course I said no, it would be very weird if someone offered something to you and you decline by saying ‘no, never mind.’

Even so, I find it hard to change it. I was corrected over and over because before I could hold back my tongue, the words ‘no, never mind’ came out instantly whenever my parents or my bro asked me if I want this or that.

Luckily I never said ‘mai, bei hiau kin’ in English.

=/ …

Monday, April 02, 2007

He felt...

That there are times when truths are best kept hidden.

Without truth, misunderstandings happen. When misunderstandings happen, taste of bitterness and hatred arises. Until one’s doubts are made clear then only can a problem be settled.

It had happened not only once, but twice or even three times.

He always told himself that there might be a mistake or anything.

But no matter how he sees it, it seems like they were always the ones left behind.

“Were we not friends of yours? Why are we the only ones left out?” he wondered.

At first he was disappointed, but convinced himself that there might be some mistakes.

He told his close friends about it, expecting them to be surprised.

Instead, they said to him: “Only now then you realize this? You are slow!”

“I told you before, you don’t have to be too friendly with them.” says one.

“We were never included!” says another.

“Don’t waste your time with them!” says yet another.

Again and again those words echoed in his head. Soon, rage within him grows exponentially as it was fed with bitter thoughts and hatred.

Maybe they were right after all; he had been lying to himself for being unable to face it.

“Time to wake up, it’s time to face reality.” Was what he told himself.

The sacrifices and time spent previously became worthless to him suddenly. They were NOTHING at all! Maybe there had never been any value in it.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Injections

I remembered injuring myself while running on the wall (yes, on the wall) in primary 6. It goes like this: after picking up speed, I began to run on the wall (imitating those from movies). The moment I land my foot on the ground, I did not realize the window pane in front of me and ran into it. The good news is that I was able to move my head away. The bad news is that I did not have enough time to move my right arm away.

RIPPPP! Was the only sound that I remembered. Then there’s blood all over my right arm, when my dad enquired, I told him it’s just a flesh wound, nothing to worry about. The oval shaped scar had been following me faithfully since that day. Whenever my primary or secondary school classmates saw that scar on my right arm, they’d joke around questioning me why had I taken Rubella injection as that was meant for girls only. Being too lazy to explain it, I only said I ran into an accident.

Then this question suddenly came into my mind: What happened to me after an injection? Why am I the only one with this problem?

I had a number of injections from the day I was born till today. If I were to exclude those injections when I was still a baby, I think I had taken more than 4 injections.

The day when I stepped into secondary school, my body began to react to the injections taken. In primary school, after an injection, I could still walk around freely, even running around will not a problem. There was this time when I had another injection in Form 3 during recess. All the students were to line up in the hall for their turns and those nurses were to give the injections one by one to them.

After I had mine, I was given two tablets and was told to consume it at night. I walked back to class with a friend of mine. Suddenly I realize that the distance between me and him are getting further apart. I hasten my steps to catch up with him and suddenly there was a surge of pain in my head. Thinking that was a headache, I closed my eyes, rubbed my head once or twice and opened my eyes.

To my horror, everything became darker and darker. No, there weren’t any clouds in the sky. I still remember that it was a sunny day; I thought I was poisoned and will be blinded for life. No, I didn’t curse those nurses. I was thinking that it might be something that I took this morning which was incompatible with the fluids injected into my body. My body began to weaken until I could not even feel my own legs, using the last bit of my energy; I rushed to the notice board nearby and used my right arm to support myself on the wall.

Somehow, my vision was not as dark and blurry as before. So I took that opportunity to get back to my classroom. Going up to the third floor is no easy task as I felt like someone who had not eaten for a week and is forced to climb three floors. Clinging to the handrail for support, I forced myself up the steps. The moment I reached my class, I felt relieved and made a quick dash to my seat. The next thing I did was to fold my arms and use them as a support for my head before fading to black.

When I woke up, a few of my friends jokingly said that it is once in a blue moon that I will even take a short nap in class. I raised my head and stare at them, they replied me with shocked expressions. One of my friends said that I looked like a ghost, a pale ghastly face with no signs of life, even my lips were pure white. I wondered if it was Benjamin or SK or Cath who said that. I forgot who offered me the food he/she bought from the canteen which I politely decline and thanked him/her.

I was glad that I am not blinded like I thought I would be earlier on. After this incident, I couldn’t help but wonder why this had happened to me since that never happened in primary school. Wanting to confirm it, I waited for the next injection. That was when I am in Form 5. This time the students are not required to line up in the hall, instead, it will be done in the classroom. I was enthusiastic about it as I was overcome by curiosity.

After I had my injection, everything was normal. Well, at least for awhile. Then the same thing happened again – my vision began to darken and I felt that my body was drained of energy and my legs getting numb. I staggered back to my seat, using the tables as my support to lead me. It is like my body and I are two different beings as I could no longer control it as I please. This time, no one talked about it or joke about it as they knew the same thing that happened to me in Form 3 is repeating itself again.

I don’t mind getting injections in the future (if there is any). The only thing I dislike is that I felt weak and useless after the injection. Any suggestion on how to overcome it?